Coloured and Canadian

I should have posted this here a long time ago, but I've been lazy. I'll just cross-post what was published on pb (see link below).

http://www.postbourgie.com/2011/04/27/coloured-and-canadian/

On Africa.

So, all my friends know that one of my absolute pet peeves is the ignorant-comment-about-Africa-disguised-as-a-question. You know the type. Often, it’s harmless, and makes for a good laugh. Many a time, I’ve given people totally ludicrous, highly unbelievable answers, hoping it will shake them into realizing how ridiculous the question was in the first place (like the dude who asked me where Africa is, and I told him it’s a province in Northern Australia). Once in a while, though, I get asked a question about Africa that absolutely stupefies me, and makes me want to resort to random acts of violence. Here’s my top ten Ignorant-About-Africa list of questions that I’ve been asked over the years, in ascending order on the offend-o-meter:

10. “Is your father a chief?”

My answer: Yes, he is – a wealthy one at that. So wealthy, in fact, that we own two trees – we live in one and rent out the other.

9. “Do you own a __________ (insert name of wildlife here)?”

Now, if someone had asked me if I’d ever seen a buffalo/rhino/lion/hyena/leopard, that would make more sense to me. I grew up in Kenya, where there are 4 large national reserves and a host of smaller wildlife sanctuaries. Ownership is an entirely different ball game.

8. “Is Nelson Mandela President of Africa?”

At that point, Mandela wasn’t even president of South Africa.

7. “Do you speak African?”

This is probably the question I get asked the most. Standard response (obviously) is that African is not a language. Afrikaans, yes. African is as much a language as North American, or European, or Asian is.

6. “Do you speak English?”

Funny thing is, I’ve been asked this one WHILST I WAS SPEAKING IN ENGLISH. My response once was ‘No, I don’t. Right now I’m speaking my native tongue, but you’re so smart, you can still understand me.’

5. “Oh, you’re from Kenya? I have a friend named Ted. He’s white and lives in South Africa. Could you deliver this letter to him for me?”

Please note that said letter was unaddressed.

4. “Do all African women have big butts?”

*Blank stare*

3. “ I love how dark African people’s skin is. Africans have such nice skin. How come you’re not dark like other Africans?”

I could not make this nonsense up if I tried.

2. “Why is there so much war and famine in Africa?”

This is sort of like asking “What are the genetic pathways that may affect the development of breast cancer?”. There is NO cliffs notes answer to this. If I was to hazard a guess, though, I’d say the Berlin Conference of 1884 and climate have something to do with it.

And now, my ultimate, no.1, can-never-be-topped question *drumroll*:

1. “Why do people complain so much about colonialism when it brought civilisation to Africa?”

Word?